I got my new car 4 days ago, not showing up here, because basically nobody reads this blog since Hong went back to China, just for memorizing the first car forever in my life. It's a white Focus 2012.
I also got my new Mac from my adviser two weeks ago. I am using amazingly brand new things in my life and I hope I could achieve some amazingly new accomplishment in my life too, especially academically. I really have to work hard. I am preparing for the presentation for the conference in Vancouver next week, and I am writing some proposal to do a research project, hopefully, this will be going well. I have to resume my web programming study and my virtual organization project.
I didn't feel very well yesterday, because I didn't feel very well physically, so I didn't work, and then I felt many other people are working harder than me, and many other people are happier than me, because they have family, and they cook very good food, but I am all alone, and have no good food to eat, or somebody doesn't agree that my food is delicious, I only have one fan of my food, that is my dear roommate Christen. I have this weird relationship with my Mr. Romantic Fantasy, which I don't know where to go and how to deal with.
Then I came back home, and read Dan Ariely's "Predictably Irrational". He says that human beings do not make decisions based on absolute values, all decisions are based on comparisons. Much of my unhappiness also comes from comparison. I am always so greedy. There are always people that are better than me who will make me unhappy. There will never be an end. For example, if I got a new car, I should feel happier than people who drive used cars, but NOT. Because I feel they are more diligent and save more money than me. They work hard, and they buy their car themselves, but I am a spoiled kid using my parents' money...sigh.
Now I think I should not compare so much, I am still young, why I keep comparing with people who are 4-6 years older than me, and think they have more experience, they work harder, they have family, and they are happy, but I am not? Even they can swim and I cannot, and they do exercise, and I am lazy, and fat. I will have all those 5 years later, and I have higher starting point than them. It is also because of this higher starting point, I think I have skipped too much experience, which makes me unhappy, but then when I compare with younger kids who start even higher than me, and think they start so early, and this also makes me unhappy, what's wrong with me? It feels so weird being in the middle. However, there is never the highest, and there is always middle. I guess I shouldn't care about everything, every trivial thing, the only thing is worth compare is academic achievement, all other things are nothing (神马都是浮云). Others are just a little bit sugar in life, and maybe make life more relax, but I can live without sugar, and I can still be happy, and be away from diabetes. Hard working is the only thing that will make me happier at this moment, so I should go for it!
