After 10 days sleep (over 12 hours everyday) during the firs half of this winter break, I finally feel that I've totally re-gained my energy, so I began to work on my Javascript programming this week and had my HTML-CSS-Javascript Scientific Calculator V1.0 done last night. The first half of this week has been fairly productive:)
I was "hopelessly and desperately" sleepy those days, and was still thinking that I had lots of work to do, and was afraid that I cannot finish them, because I don't know how to do them. I somehow recognize that I begin to fear many things. I am afraid of many things that is unknown and uncontrollable. However, at the same time,if life is going too smoothly, I would complain that everything is so boring, and nothing excited, nothing unexpected has happened.I used to be very brave, and was afraid of nothing, and believed I could do everything if I wanted to, and I believe that's the thing that has driven me here in America, in this PhD program. Now, I sometimes feel unsafe, un-protected, and inconfident.Even when I got very good grades last semester, I somehow doubt whether that's an over-estimation of my ability.
Then, when I finished my first version of Javascript Scientific Calculator in just the past three days based on my previous almost zero background of any webpage programming language. I realize how smart I am :) I say this just to find some of my lost confidence. I think I still need to believe that if I believe something, I could do it! I need to be really patient and calm down. There's no need to be panic and fear, things will work out the way it is.I don't know whether I could (I believe I could, if I want to), I will become an expert in webpage programming in the near future, though now I just made one small step from zero.
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