In Memory of the Birth of My Javascript Scientific Calculator V1.0

After 10 days sleep (over 12 hours everyday) during the firs half of this winter break, I finally feel that I've totally re-gained my energy, so I began to work on my Javascript programming this week and had my HTML-CSS-Javascript Scientific Calculator V1.0 done last night. The first half of this week has been fairly productive:)

I was "hopelessly and desperately" sleepy those days, and was still thinking that I had lots of work to do, and was afraid that I cannot finish them, because I don't know how to do them. I somehow recognize that I begin to fear many things. I am afraid of many things that is unknown and uncontrollable. However, at the same time,if life is going too smoothly, I would complain that everything is so boring, and nothing excited, nothing unexpected has happened.I used to be very brave, and was afraid of nothing, and believed I could do everything if I wanted to, and I believe that's the thing that has driven me here in America, in this PhD program. Now, I sometimes feel unsafe, un-protected, and inconfident.Even when I got very good grades last semester, I somehow doubt whether that's an over-estimation of my ability. 

Then, when I finished my first version of Javascript Scientific Calculator in just the past three days based on my previous almost zero background of any webpage programming language. I realize how smart I am :) I say this just to find some of my lost confidence. I think I still need to believe that if I believe something, I could do it! I need to be really patient and calm down. There's no need to be panic and fear, things will work out the way it is.I don't know whether I could (I believe I could, if I want to), I will become an expert in webpage programming in the near future, though now I just made one small step from zero.  

Life Needs Beliefs and Dreams

I am watching the movie Eat, Pray, and Love now. An Italian guy is making fun of American people: "You feel guilty [about only eating but not working] because you are American. You don't know how to enjoy yourself. Americans know entertainment, but don't know pleasure. Americans, you work too hard. You get burned out. Then you come home, and spend the whole weekend in your pajamas in front of the TV. " I feel I am much much much worse in knowing what is pleasure, and always feel guilty about not working. However, my body is getting lazier and lazier and refuses to work.Actually, learning how to enjoy myself is also a kind of work to me, and I feel it's a difficult work and don't want to do. So the result is that I am doing nothing, neither play nor work, and only feel guilty about myself.

Sometimes, I feel I am too real, I am too aware of and also afraid of reality. I do everything on purpose. I try to be nice with every person around, but I hide myself, and I don't know how to enjoy myself, and I lost passion towards many things very soon. Last night, I spent Christmas Eve in my adviser's house. A friend expressed great passion about elder people by translating alive a speech on YouTube given by a French Granny. Although I cannot understand French, I was really moved, not by the French Granny, but by the friend's passion towards that speech. I am moved that there are still people really care about peace, animals, senior citizens, environment, and there are still people really believe the world could be a better place. I am not saying that I used to not believe, it's just I felt those are out of my control, so I don't dare to believe, because my belief couldn't change anything. Now I feel, actually I belief maybe could change something, at least myself. 

Life needs beliefs and dreams. Not all dreams need to come true; not all dreams need a plan to be implemented, to be realized. Some dreams, they will never come true, and you just hold them deep in you heart, and sleep with them with smiles.

Why There's No Hero Engineers?

Dan brought up this question in ENE seminar class.

There are hero artists(Vincent Van Gogh...) , hero musicians(Beethoven...), hero scientists (Einstein, Newton, Madam Curie... ), but why there seems no hero engineers?

Actually, there is, like Edison, Bell, Armstrong, and Amelia Earhart, etc. But when people talk about these people, they normally do not consciously recognize that they are engineers. They think Edison and Bell are inventors or scientists, Armstrong is astronaut. The underlying reasons are:

(1) Engineers do not have a common identity. People usually regard different branches of engineering differently, they don't regard them as a whole: engineers. We don't learn them in elementary school as hero-engineers.

(2)We maybe could find some clues in linguistics. The different suffixes "-ist, -er, and -ian..." actually represent different levels of social status, like physician is different from physicist. Physicist more likely become hero, because they are doing work representing the whole human wisdom. Engineers are regarded as smart, but scientists are talented, gifted, and brilliant. In the Chinese language, the word to describe scientist and engineer are also different. The word for scientist is more like they are gifted, and creative, they are born with those wisdom in their mind, and they are doing things for the whole human being. The word for engineer is more like they gain their knowledge from experience and practice, they could master all the skills, so they are smart.

Most of the time, heroes are more related to being poor and struggle, and still do thing for human welfare or just because of their own talented brain. but engineers are more social, more related to money. They are just a group of people who are smarter than ordinary people, and they make money for themselves from that, but they are not heroes.

Linguistics is so interesting! Many things are originated from language, or have reasons or clues in language. That's all human wisdom, all how human communication our knowledge.

My Research Interests by Now

Mostly thanks to the Quick and dirty review of 2005-2009 JEE paper reading assignment, and also my previous and current learning experience, I am locating and shaping my research interests:

1. engineering major does necessarily make an engineer. Engineering students' career decision (mostly for Inquiry course, inspired by my personal experience and an article from LICHTENSTEIN, JEE 2009)

2. active-learning, e-learning, online-learning, all about digital revolution (inspired by nanoHUB, and Michael Wesch's video, and the digital revolution), this is what I will research into for a long period in the future.Learning on Virtual Organizations.

3. engineering epistemology. daily narratives of engineering faculty, industry practitioners, senior students--> junior, freshman. and the public. narratives are often very different from what is written on publicity materials, and often have invisible huge power, which may be negative and harmful to the public image of engineering.(inspired by my personal experience and a brilliant paper by dear Dr. Alice Pawley drawing against the NAE Changing the Conversation report). If possible, if I have opportunity, this will also be what I will do in the future for a long period.

My Gift Wishlist

I saw the Purdue Snuggie (a blanket with sleeves) again at PMU purdue shop. oh, so adorable! I definitely will have purple or red one for myself one day! en, some day in the near future!!!